Had job training today for my second job and I’m excited to really start! Wooh!
It’s throwback thursday…so please throw me back to last thursday when I still had a week to do this research paper ~sobs~
Toad-tally excited for school. photocred: @andyha_50 (at McCarthy Hall)
Anonymous asked: How's college? O:
College was really weird in the beginning, I definitely had to get used to it! (I felt like I was at a big out door mall, I think it was because of the food court and all the Starbucks and food on campus) It was bothersome too, because beginning of this semester, I didn’t have my license so I had to carpool with friends. Once I got my l got my license, it became a lot easier and I adjusted more to to the college life.
Other than that, things are going well now and I’m just trying to get by this semester and hoping for a better semester in the Spring! Hoping not to get another class like my current hcom class though -_- LOL.
I used to love listening to piano instrumentals and as I have a little bit more free time than usual this night, I decided to check some out!
Here’s one from a recent drama that I have grown to love, embrace, and empathize with!
The original song is sung by Sistar’s Hyorin (freaking beautiful voice and beautiful singer too!) titled Driving Me Crazy. It’s from the drama The Master’s Sun.
Anonymous asked: The person you are, whom you genuinely are, is already close to perfection if not perfect. When I say you're close to perfection, that is already an understatement because I don't see any flaws in you. Maybe your negative thought process of yourself needs to be fixed, but you as a whole...I feel as though you're already breathtaking. Just being in your presence makes me get the butterflies because you're THAT high on the scale of flawless. I do hope you find happiness soon because I'd love that.
I have to admit, yes, my negative mind set is one of my major setbacks and I’m earnestly working on it. Let’s hope I’m successful~ but perfection is not what I am nor what I aim to be. I’d be more than satisfied to live normally if I just accepted myself more and loved the person I am. Thank you for your support, I appreciate it.
Anonymous asked: Can you tell me what song "Cappucino Frost" is? I can't find it on youtube!
It seems like a good portion of the people I know in real life don’t use Tumblr anymore and in some ways, I find it comforting…like I have some room to breathe.
These days, I find it really hard to express myself or efficiently get my point across when I try to. Back in the day, I used to write out my feelings and then read over them again later. I also did this with Tumblr although most of the time I didn’t actually publish my writings in fear of judgement and what not. Truth be told, I dreaded judgment even when it wasn’t present. Writing out my feelings in a notebook for example; I would write and write my feelings away and then worry about what people would think if they knew this is how I felt.
Constantly being conscientious of what people thought of me, ruined me. I mean I had enough of my own thoughts and insecurities to worry about but I chose to deepen the wound with other useless thoughts. Realizing this now, I am able to open my eyes to things I’ve missed out in the past few years of my life. For instance, genuinely being comfortable with myself around the people I love or doing things I like without worrying about embarrassment. I always emphasized on being out there and expressing yourself, but when I did it, I felt like I was being a totally different person…well this is only looking back at it now.
I talk about happiness a lot and claim to be happy in certain times in my life, but I’m not really sure if I really was happy or that I was just trying to prove to myself that I could be happy. I guess I’m trying to figure out what happiness really is, because I don’t think I’ve experienced it yet. And as depressing as that sounds, I find it really normal, un-comforting, but normal. (I learned in Psychology as humans we are made to think the world sucks and that its a black hole as a means for self defense and survival, so I think not being happy is not the worst I could be feeling)
I really just want to experience something new and cleansing and thrilling. Like falling in love in college with someone that thinks and makes me feel like an amazing person or meeting someone who makes me think in a different way like a new outlook on life and takes me out to concerts and makes me a better person (although there’s a lot to fix -sobs-) This is just something I long for right now. A really good companion…(please don’t make witty comments like “go get a pet dog”) I just think that as we’re born, babies need a lot of attention and love and care and touch…but as we grow up, we should still get these things! Am I right? And maybe because my family doesn’t really do these things, I’m feeling a little deprived of tender love and care and I seek it out from other people but I don’t feel like people really like me or want to be around me. Whenever I try to ease my thoughts and try to be my own best friend, at the end of the day, I’m still alone and it freaking sucks!
I want to try it, being in a serious relationship and not backing out and hurting other people. I want to change myself from being such a cold and distrustful person to someone who’s warm and cheerful…someone you want to be around. I’ve tried to change myself a lot in my lifetime, but maybe this is something I have to do if I want to live a less constantly-on-defense-mode life.
That’s all of my rambling…I should probably get to work on assignments…but I’m probably not going to do that and just sleep or find something to watch online.
When the body just gives up and the mind has found life to be unbearable. It’s times like these I just want to leave this world a hundred times over.